WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN IQ and the number of words a child is exposed to? If you
want your students to succeed in school, work, and experience life satisfaction, the answer
is CHARACTER – specifically the positive character traits of kindness, persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence. Ideally, teaching positive character traits
begins at home and at a very early age. Realistically, most families need some help. Teachers, school
staff, relatives, neighbors, and friends play an important role in the development of a child’s character.
First and foremost, they are all role models – whether they want to be or not. Children are always
observing and copying the behavior of the adults in their life.
According to Thomas Lickona in his book, How To Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, And A
Happier Family In The Bargain, “…our children's development of a sense that they have a responsibility
to contribute to the welfare and happiness of others begins in their own family…it has everything to do
with kindness, thinking of others, being helpful, being considerate of others needs and feelings..”
Lickona suggests there are ten virtues which support kindness: Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, Self-Control, Love, Positive Attitude, Hard Work, Integrity, Gratitude, and Humility.
Make teaching kindness a priority. Begin by assigning family responsibilities. Lickona suggests,
“Children can take care of younger children, tend to animals, help grow and harvest food, do
household chores, and assist with meals.” He says, “Children who do nothing more than keep their
own rooms in order, grow up thinking only of taking care of themselves.” Responsible children do for
others without expecting a reward. In other words, children who are expected to do household chores
for the benefit of the family, have begun to grow “existentially.” They are
thinking beyond themselves and will be able to apply that skill in school, at work, in their
neighborhood, and in their community because they have developed a greater concern for others.
Where does kindness come from? It comes from an inner worldview, regardless of religious or
nonreligious beliefs, that enables people to love others even when they do not love us back. This type
of personal worldview can provide children with a philosophy of life that enables them to do good
even when no one is watching. In 1968, Dr. Kent M. Keith wrote The Paradoxical Commandments. His
Commandments teach us to “Do good anyway.” It is about doing what is right, rather than reacting to
hurts and perceived insults. His commandments provide many opportunities for reflective thought and
group discussions.
Find a copy of Keith’s ten commandments at https://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com and hang it
up for all to see and talk about.
In addition to kindness, teach students the importance of Respect. Respect enables us to agree to
disagree in a civil, nonaggressive, and even gracious manner. Help children understand they need not
be offended or indignant when someone disagrees with them. Differences of opinion are normal and
not personal. Everyone has a right to their own point of view. Respect means not hurting others.
Teach children to have a social conscience that is aroused by injustice and the violation of human
rights. Help them understand there are two kinds of hurts: inside hurts and outside hurts. Inside hurts
can last a lifetime. Help children appreciate, at an intellectual and emotional level, how their behavior
effects other people. Teach the Golden Rule: Treat others as we ourselves wish to be treated. Humility
enables us to see and take responsibility for our faults and failings and make amends. It takes humility
to say "I'm sorry" and truly mean it.
Lickona suggests there are three major kinds of respect to instill in young people:
1. The "Special Respect" we owe people because of their role or the position they occupy, such as
parents, teachers, and public officials. Teach children to have respect for the office, even when
disagreeing with the person representing that office.
2. The "General Respect" that we owe every human being, without exception. This respect is not
earned in the way that admiration or esteem are earned. All people deserve this general respect
simply because they are human beings.
3. “Respect As An Inner Attitude,” not just an external behavior. We are not being truly respectful
toward other people if we are inwardly contemptuous of them. Respecting others means seeing
the good in them just as we want them to see the good in us.
As part of your classroom management, encourage responsibility by assigning tasks each week. A few
suggestions are: Paper Passer, Sweeper, Desk Cleaner, Board Cleaner, Recycling Expert, and Chief
Kindness Officer. Brainstorm other responsible positions with your students. Be specific about the
duties of each position and rotate students throughout the year to make sure everyone has had a
chance in each of these responsibility roles.
Help your students understand "fair" does not mean "same." Fair does not mean a parent or teacher
gives the same amount of time or help to every child in the family or classroom. One child may have
learning or behavioral challenges and need more support. Giving the child this extra time and support
is fair, even though it is not the same. This is a general respect for others which students can learn to
understand and appreciate.
Make mealtimes an opportunity to talk about character values. Ask kids one or two questions such as:
• What important decisions are you struggling with?
• What good deed are you planning to do this week?
• Why is it important to be honest?
• Who do you look up to because of their courageousness? (or other strength/virtue)
• What things do you find easy to have self-control over? Difficult to have self-control over?
• Has anyone you know been treated with disrespect? What have you done to help them?
• What qualities do you look for in a true friend?
Character education is not accomplished through lectures from an adult. Instead, use time for
reflection. Reflection is about giving children time, and a safe environment, to think about and discuss
their behavior, and the consequences of their actions in a deep way. Reflection leads to growth. Have
students mentally rehearse conversations and behaviors that might have prevented a bad outcome or
might turn a bad situation into a healing one. Have them focus on a positive outcome, as well as a few
obstacles they may encounter along the way. Together you can brainstorm implementation intentions.
Formal lesson time is not always necessary for character education. Simply have a casual conversation
as behavior issues, and moral dilemmas come up. For those times when you do want a classroom
lesson, teachers can have students make a list of specific plans to improve their own character, write
if/then statements, and think of ways to overcome an obstacle, or lead them to a positive outcome. At
the beginning of the school year, assign a journal writing assignment that has students create a set of
rules for themselves. For first grade, students can focus on one rule as their behavior goal for the year.
The idea is to develop “Cognitive Flexibility,” the ability to see alternative solutions to problems,
including changing one’s own behavior.
Model gratitude for your children and students. Being thankful is the secret to a happy life. Grateful
people are more alert, sleep better, have more positive relationships, and are more aware of situations
where they can be helpful. They also feel more loving, forgiving, and joyful. According to Lickona, in
classrooms where children keep gratitude journals, parents and teachers have observed an increase in
children's expressions of appreciation!
According to Paul Tough in his book, How Children Succeed, development of certain psychological traits
leads to a successful life. He says, “High school dropouts lack the ability to think ahead, persist in tasks,
or adapt to their environment. That is because habits (behavior and social skills) are more important
than a student’s IQ.” Develop these qualities, beginning in Pre-K, and continue teaching throughout
your student’s education:
• Persistence (stick with it/follow through)
• Self-Control (ability to delay gratification)
• Curiosity (Positive Attitude)
• Conscientiousness (Responsibility and Integrity)
• Grit (Fortitude and Hard Work)
• Self-Confidence (Positive Attitude)
Stress (poverty, physical and sexual abuse, neglect, family dysfunction/incarceration/mental illness/
addiction or separation/divorce) leads to Health Issues (obesity, depression, addiction, chronic
disease), and Poor Schoolwork and Life Outcomes (early sexual activity, smoking, poverty). Stress
affects a child’s brain by putting pressure on their prefrontal cortex, negatively impacting cognitive
skills known as “Executive Functioning.” Executive functions involve planning, organization, memory,
flexible thinking, and self-control. A good way to develop executive functioning skills is to play board
games, spend time in unstructured play with other children and social role playing. Also, listen to
music, learn to play an instrument, sing, dance, play sports, meditate, practice mindfulness, and take
martial arts classes. All of these activities and more, involve the use of executive functioning.
Healthy brains are resilient. Resilience protects children from the worst effects of a harsh early
environment. Foster resilience by nurturing a sense of security and a healthy mindset. At any age,
optimism is a learnable skill that enhances brain resiliency. People with positive attitudes live longer,
are healthier, enjoy life more, deal more effectively with hardship, are more adventurous, have more
friends, and are more successful in their careers. It is important for children to learn that sometimes
we cannot change situations but, we can change the way we look at the situation. When students are
feeling stressed, challenge them to think of another, more optimistic, way of thinking about the
stressful situation. Acknowledge that their problems are real, give them time to vent, and then suggest,
“That is one way of thinking about it. What is another way?” When your student is stuck on a negative
thought and is unable to come up with any ideas, it is ok to let other students chime in with their ideas.
Rather than solving student disagreements for them, ask, “How are you going to solve this?” Students
can learn from and support each other in this way, and these types of thought exercises can lead to
better self-control. Self-control enables us to control our temper, regulate our appetites and passions
and pursue pleasures in moderation. Those with self-control are able to avoid: compulsive spending,
impulsive violence, underachievement in school, procrastination, alcohol and drug abuse, an unhealthy
diet, and explosive anger.
In my view, the number one trait you will want to help students develop is conscientiousness.
According to Tough, “Conscientious personalities do well whether or not there is a material incentive.
They are the most productive, reliable, and diligent workers employers can find. It is the trait that best
predicts better grades, and workplace success. They commit fewer crimes, stay married longer, smoke
and drink less, live longer, and have fewer health issues. They function successfully across their life
span.” Conscientious people share these characteristics:
• Grit – They work hard and stick with it (persistence)
• Orderly (executive function skill)
• Reliable (social skill)
• Respectful of social norms (social intelligence)
• Score high on self-control (executive function skill)
Conscientiousness is about being responsible and caring enough to be thorough in your work. It
develops through tasks like being the classroom Recyclables Expert, or the Chief Kindness Officer.
These roles have students using existential skills that require thinking beyond themselves. In first
grade, conscientiousness also comes from being thorough and consistent about writing names and
dates on the papers they hand in. Remind them of how it helps their teacher. Assign the position of
Paper Collector to a child who does not consistently do this. His duty would be to check all the papers
for name and date before handing in to the teacher, causing him to consciously look for these items.
Whether at home, in school, at work, or in the community, caring qualities matter. The Gallup
Organization has identified hundreds of themes relevant to excellence in the workplace, including
empathy (anticipating and meeting the needs of others), inclusiveness (welcoming - making others
feel part of the group), and positivity (seeing what is good in situations and people). Notice how these
all reflect back to the strengths of kindness. Kindness, along with love and social intelligence, fall into
the broad virtue class of Humanity.
Human maturity consists of the capacity to love and the capacity to work. People with high grit are
more likely to stick with tough programs and finish successfully regardless of their intelligence. With
that in mind, think about this - Kids benefit from a little hardship, such as:
• A challenge
• Trying things they might fail at. They will learn that failure is part of the learning process.
Persistence requires an inner toughness - mental and emotional strength. Having to deal with
disappointment, frustration, and failure is part of a healthy childhood. It is how you become a stronger
person. Even kindness requires sustained effort, working out conflicts, forgiving hurts, and sacrifice.
Loving other people can sometimes be the hardest work we do.
Whenever my students were afraid to try something or refused to participate in a lesson, it was always
about a fear of failure. They were afraid if they failed I would be mad at them. I always told them, “I
don’t care if you fail, I care that you try.” They would look at me with a strange curious face that said,
“Really? You are a teacher, and you don’t care if I fail?” I would then explain, “If you don’t try, you can’t
possibly succeed, but if you do try…” They would then excitedly finish my sentence with, “I might
succeed!” I also gave them a key piece of information they could base future choices like this one on,
“You don’t have to be smart to succeed in school. Students who work hard and put in a lot of effort
are the ones who are most likely to succeed.” Whether students succeeded in the assigned task or
not, I told them how much I loved their hard work. In other words, I was helping them build grit. No
sitting back relying on IQ, luck, or avoidance. I labeled my students “hard workers,” and they took pride
in their efforts. Character and habits are virtually the same thing. Encourage the habit of hard work.
Remember that, as a teacher, conveying information is not enough. You need to converse with,
question, and figure out what is going on in your student’s minds. Education is about far more than
mere facts. Education is not about getting all the answers from the teacher. Education is about
learning to think. Get students engaged in their own self-analysis and problem solving as they compare
themselves to story characters. In other words, teach character education by getting students to think
about their own character, as well as the character of others. Challenge students to look deeply at their
own mistakes, examine why they made them, and think hard about what they might have done
differently. Have them slow down their thoughts, examine their impulsive behavior, and consider more
productive solutions to their problems.
A fun way to get first graders excited about learning to think is to tell them, “The reason you go to
school is to learn how to be an adult.” Since they are always trying to be like their parents and
teachers, they become very enthusiastic about this idea. I also let students know it takes a long time to
learn how to be an adult and that is why they go to school for at least twelve years. While you are at it,
tell students, who question why they need to learn math, that it is good exercise for their brain,
because it teaches them how to think about solving problems (which adults must do all the time). Use
subtle interventions. Tell your students intelligence is malleable (this leads to higher test scores). Teach
them that character is not something you are born with but is something you can work on and develop
throughout your entire life. Find ways to incorporate character strengths into every part of the day –
reading, math, history, recess, lunch time, etc. Your conversations do not need to take a long time.
Sometimes, a minute or two is enough to ignite their thinking and reflections.
Remember that children care what others think of them. This is especially true of the important adults
in their lives – their parents and teachers. When children know you value positive character strengths,
they will do their best to display these strengths in order to please you. Development of character skills
will lead students to not only do better in school, but to grow up to be valued employees and members
of their community.
Character = Strengths And Virtues (positive traits)
Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook And Classification (CSV) by Christopher Peterson and
Martin E.P. Seligman is an 800-page book, intended to be a "science of good character," that every
school would benefit from having on hand. The authors intended it to be a "manual of the sanity's," a
mirror image of the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders (DSM). While the DSM
offers an exclusive look at what is wrong with people (symptoms and disorders), it does not look at
what is right (how people strive and thrive). Peterson and Seligman believe “…one of the best ways to
undo someone's weakness is by encouraging his or her strengths.” Their book lists 6 broad Virtues
and 24 Character Strengths that are universally respected around the world. The 24 character-strengths are categorized under the 6 virtues. A virtue is a personality trait that is a choice. Virtuous
activity involves choosing virtue for itself and in light of a justifiable life plan. Virtue is conscious.
Individuals are aware of their choices/virtues. Virtues counteract some problem inherent in the human
condition, some temptation that needs to be resisted, or channeled into something good. Displaying
specific character strengths leads to being virtuous. Strengths allow problems of survival to be solved. Cultivating these positive character strengths leads to the psychological good life – feeling happy,
finding meaning in life and providing a sense of fulfilment - stability and generality of a life well lived.
The Good Life reflects the choice and will of the individual and is lived over time and across situations.
The following is a summary from the CSV:
There are 6 broad Virtues: Wisdom, Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, and Transcendence.
The 24 specific Strengths are classified under each of the 6 Virtues:
1. Wisdom and Knowledge = Cognitive strengths involving acquisition and use of knowledge.
Good judgment.
• Creativity – Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things.
• Curiosity – Taking an interest in an experience for its own sake; finding subjects and
topics fascinating.
• Open-Mindedness – Thinking things through and examining from all sides; not jumping
to conclusions; being able to change one's mind in light of evidence.
• Love of Learning – Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge on own or
formally; add systematically to what one knows.
• Perspective (wisdom) – Able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking
at the world that makes sense to oneself and to other people.
2. Courage = Emotional strengths that involve the exercise of will, to accomplish goals in
the face of opposition, external or internal.
• Bravery – Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what
is right even when opposed; acting on convictions even if unpopular; physical bravery.
• Persistence – Finishing what one starts; persisting in a course of action in spite of
obstacles; completing tasks.
• Integrity – Speaking the truth. Presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a
sincere way, without pretense; taking responsibility for one's feelings and actions.
Following our conscience by sticking to and standing up for our moral principles. Being
honest with both ourselves and others.
• Vitality - Approaching life with excitement and energy, not doing things halfheartedly;
living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated.
3. Humanity = Interpersonal strengths that involve tending and befriending others.
• Love – Valuing close relationships with others, in particular those in which sharing, and
caring are reciprocated. Being emotionally close to people. Wanting and doing what is
best for another person. Love gives more than what fairness requires. Love is willing to
sacrifice. It puts the needs of the other person ahead of our own.
• Kindness – Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
• Social Intelligence – Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people as well as
oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; understanding what
makes other people tick.
4. Justice = Civic strengths that underlie healthy community life. Respect and responsibility. Justice honors the inherent worth and human rights of every person, animals, and the natural environment on which all life depends.
• Citizenship – Working well as a member of a group/community/team; being loyal to a
group; doing one’s share.
• Fairness – Treating all people the same; not letting personal feelings bias decisions about
others; giving everyone a fair chance.
• Leadership – Encouraging group to get things done while maintaining good relations
within group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.
5. Temperance = Strengths that protect against excess.
• Forgiveness and Mercy – Forgiving those who have done wrong: accepting shortcomings
of others; giving second chances; not being vengeful.
• Humility/Modesty – Letting accomplishments speak for themselves; not seeking the
spotlight; not regarding oneself as more special than one is. Awareness of own
imperfections. Humility motivates us to become better people.
• Prudence – Being careful about choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things
that might later be regretted.
• Self-Regulation (self-control) – Regulating what one feels or does; being disciplined,
controlling one's appetites and emotions. The ability to govern ourselves.
6. Transcendence = Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning.
• Appreciation Of Beauty And Excellence (awe, wonder, elevation) – Noticing and
appreciating beauty, excellence, and or skilled performance in various domains of life,
from nature to art to math to science to everyday experience.
• Gratitude – Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to
express thanks.
• Hope (optimism, future mindedness, future orientation) – Expecting the best in the future
and working to achieve it; believing a good future can be brought about.
• Humor (playfulness) – Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing
the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes.
• Spirituality (religiousness, faith, purpose) – Having coherent beliefs about the higher
purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits in to the larger scheme;
having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.
Character Strengths are stable, but also malleable. They are the psychological ingredients that define
virtue and can be developed at any age. People rarely display all strengths. However, people are
considered to be of good character if they display one- or two-character strengths under each Virtue.
For example, the Virtue Of Wisdom can be achieved through strengths of creativity, curiosity, love of
learning, open mindedness, and perspective (having a "big picture" of life). These strengths all involve
the acquisition and use of knowledge, but they are also distinct. Being both creative and curious an
individual can be said to have the virtue of wisdom and knowledge. Being a person of character means
being the best person you can be. Part of being your best self means admitting your mistakes and
learning from them. Help your students strive and thrive with continuous, gentle pushes toward
improving their own character.
This article is from a chapter in my latest book: First Grade Story Comprehension: The Pringle Plan A Guide For Parents And Teachers Of First Grade Students
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The Pringle Plan is a series of educational guides.
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